Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Inadequecies on the first day

I never thought that going to two classes on the first day of my last semester would make me feel so inadequate, but here I am wondering what I'm doing and going to do with my life.

I walked in late to my first class, Money Management, and one of the assignments was to write down my revenue and expenses for the month of January. I realized pretty quickly that until January 21st, I have about $6 to my name, which counts pretty much everything, which was a bit embarrassing. Whoops. Good thing I'm taking the class, eh?

Then I set off to Human Relations and Leadership, a class for my minor, and on the syllabus there was an assignment to write a five year goal. It was then that I wished I was a sophomore or junior because then I'd at least have two or three years taken up with, "Finish college." I'm finishing my bachelor's in April, what I consider, for now, "finishing college", and it hit home just how much I have no idea what I'm doing afterward -- not in the first year, much less the fifth.

I'm sure most people have eventual plans in the back of their minds. Things such as, "Write a book" or "start a garden" or "climb up the career ladder and eventually own my own business or become CEO" but I don't have anything like that right now. I have the ambition of a fruit fly. Possibly less.

I DO have a goal to get a career, but I don't really want to move up in it. I'm going to be one of those people that people talk about at the water cooler. A possible conversation about me follows:

"So, how long has Barrus been here?" --random ambition-full cub reporter who wants to move to a big town as soon as they've paid their dues.
"It's a pretty small town and small town newspaper. I'm surprised it's kept her happy. I mean, I guess a population of 3,000 is big enough to keep some reporters occupied, but she's been here 50 years. What else is there for her to do?" --Owner of said paper who has worked less time at the paper than I have.
(Enter Amy)
"Oh, hi Amy." --Cub reporter and Owner
"Hi guys. Have you heard about that fourteen-year-old stealing from the lemonade stand her younger sister started? Should be pretty hot stuff." --Me
(Exit Amy)
"See what I mean?" --Owner
"Wow--that's sad." --Cub reporter

I'm sure I have SOME ambition. Somewhere. Let you know if I find it.


Brandon said...

Woot Barrus lack of ambition! I'm with you all the way... though I need a warmer small town to live in until I die.

Anna said...

lol. I remember being where you are. I finished school and had a major identity crisis...I had no idea what to do with myself outside of school. You'll figure it out.

Stephanie E. J. Long said...

Barrus, my love, you'll be fine. I went through a crisis, but I think I've figured it out, or am in the process of figuring it out, and you will too. It's overwhelming to stand on such a precipice, but you'll figure it out. If anything, you can always work for the 'Voice,' from what I hear they could still use some decent writers to help them out. :-)

JoMarch said...

Hey! What do you mean "Barrus lack of ambition"? I have plenty of ambition. Hmm... maybe I got all ya'lls ambitions. Or maybe I just have a big head. *shrugs*
Anyway, I figure that if what you're doing makes you happy, then, by golly, keep on doing it.